Attitude Change

Barokko's been progressing really really well lately, he's stronger, quicker off the aids, slowly getting some endurance back. But I have a persistent problem with contact. It's been an issue since I bought him, got worse in the fall, then I had his teeth done and he improved back to normal. He looks OK from the ground, nice "headset," but it's sooooo unstable, the feel in my hands is constantly changing. I get moments that are awesome, where he's steady and consistent, back up, hinds under - and then it's gone.

He's still young, and needs strength and training before he's able to "just go," but the thing that's so frustrating with this contact issue is the inconsistency! Normally, you find the button, you press it, and get a response from the horse. Then if the horse can't hold it it'll break away, but then next time you push the same button, you get the same response again. Not so with Barokko. I don't know where the button is.

Last week I had an all time low, I had the worst ride ever, I just got so frustrated that I couldn't figure this out, I had to jump off and lead him in order to not take it out on him. I really felt like there was no point in my continuing with this horse, if I can't solve this problem, then what good is all the other progress?

After a good cry, I sat down and really thought it through. What are my options -

I could give up on Barokko, sell him, and buy something else. But I've checked the sales sites, and even if I get a good price for him, it's still not enough to get something that makes me go "WOW." So I could get a horse that's easier to ride, but it would be just another "OK but nothing special" horse.

I could keep Barokko, but give up on dressage. But Barokko isn't really suited for anything else - he likes jumping, but doesn't have the scope to compete at recognized levels. He likes jumping on trails, but hunting requires a little more scope, too, I don't want to hunt a horse that's just at the limit. Plus endurance doesn't come naturally for him, it'd be hard to get him into hunt condition, and keep him there throughout a full season. Endurance racing is out for the same reason. Plain trail riding - no, I need competition, I thrive on it, I can't just twiddle around in the woods, as much as I love doing that, too.

So I got to the only viable option: work through it.

Once I'd made that clear to myself I made a conscious decision to change my attitude about riding him. Barokko's here to teach me how to ride. Getting angry just doesn't work on this horse. I'm going to ride as correctly as I can, all the time, every single ride. The ends do not justify the means, especially with this guy - because if I compromise the means, I'll never get to the ends!

I'm determined to come through this a much better rider than I was going in.