This it be right

A beautiful tribute to the horses we've had to let go much too soon.

Goodbye

Barokko was euthanized yesterday afternoon.

I spent some time with him alone in the pasture in the morning. M came a couple of hours before we were going to leave, and we brought him up to the barn, where we gave him the biggest bucketful of carrots, apples, and horse treats he'd ever seen in his life :)

We groomed him thoroughly while we reminisced about some of the many great experiences we'd had with him. I only had him for 2 1/2 years, and he was ill for a considerable amount of that time, but still I have so many good memories.

When the transporter came he was a bit sceptical as was his norm. Walked up close to the loading ramp, and then planted all 4 feet and 600 + kg in the ground and looked at M at the other end of the lead rope as if to say "Make me." He did this every single time we loaded him, he was never nervous or jumpy about it, went right up to the ramp, and then just settled in for a while. After a couple of minutes of chilling in front of the truck he decided the oh, OK why not, and walked calmly up.

Besides M and me, my husband and I. also came up to the clinic to say goodbye to him. We were there almost 2 hours before our appointment with the vet, which gave I. a chance to spend some time with him, and spoil him with treats. My husband also took a bunch of photos of him.

When the vet came, he started by running us through step by step what he was going to do, and what the effect would be on Barokko. I gave him one last apple, and while he was chewing on it he was given a sedative in the stall. Barokko was very sensitive to sedatives, and was always given pony-doses when he was sedated for exams ;) Within moments he was heavily sedated, and paid no attention whatsoever as the vet inserted a catheter in his jugular vein. We then lead him outside - very very slowly!

We lead him to a quiet corner at the back of the stable. I lead him out, but the vet didn't want me holding him during the actual euthanasia - at first I was a little taken aback by it, he was my horse, I wanted to be the one to hold him as it happened, but then I remembered my big belly and lack of mobility... So my husband took over the lead rope.

An overdose of barbituates was administered via the jugular catheter. Barokko fell within 15-20 seconds. He didn't fight the meds at all, and there was no doubt whatsoever that he was unconscious as he fell. He took only a couple more breaths. After about a minute the vet checked for a heartbeat, and found none. During the next minute or so there were a few muscle twitches, and then he was still.

The vet didn't want me close just yet, but let M go up to Barokko's head for a few minutes, before checking for a pulse one last time. When he had confirmed that it was over he gathered the syringes etc, and left us alone with Barokko.

It was over very quickly and smoothly, and at no point did it appear that Barokko was at all stressed or nervous, he went very peacefully.

Some people prefer not to be present at their horse's euthanasia, but I found great comfort in witnessing it. Now I know exactly how it happened, and my imagination doesn't need to fill in any blanks.

We stayed with him for a while, saying our final goodbyes, and were then able to leave with a sense of closure.

I still have many tears left to shed, but I feel at ease.



Goodbye Barokko.

Tuesday Aug 4, at 15.30 :(

Good Morning

Waiting...

Vet yesterday. Had a long chat with the vet, and came to the expected conclusion that Barokko is no longer able to function as a riding horse at any level, and has no realistic chance of becoming able to do so in the future.

He has a permanent loss of use insurance which applies, so the vet has sent his documents to the insurance company's vet to be approved. Once they give the go-ahead he will be euthanized.

Barokko has touched my heart like no other horse and I will grieve for him for a long time, but I know that this is the right decision.

Next vet date is set...

I'll be taking him to the clinic again next Mon, so there's just over a week to go. There will be no surprises, the only change is for the worse. It was a last ditch effort, the vet has nothing else left up her sleeve, and it didn't work. So we're basically going there to hear her say that it's over :(

Knowing where it's headed is incredibly painful, but at this point it's also somewhat of a relief just to get some kind of finality -but oh how I wish it could have been a diferent ending than the one we're getting.

Bright & Shiny!

The past few days it's been hot and sunny, so today Barokko had his first bath since last summer. After a long, muddy winter and spring at pasture without a blanket there was lots of dust and grime to get rid of. But after an hour and a half his white spots were blindingly white, his black was once again black instead of greyish, his mane and tail soft and luxurious, his feathers silky. No more gunk around the eyes, nostrils, and, uhm, other parts that tend to collect gunk ;)



I. is out on a ride as I type, she made sure to plan her ride after his bath so she can enjoy the results of our effortsbefore he has a chance to find the dustiest spot in the pasture and roll in it :P